Sunday, June 16, 2013

Funny Interactive Voice Response System (IVRS):

Interactive Voice Response System (IVRS):

Hello welcome to ABC Telecom.
For English press 1.
Thamilukku irandai amukkavum.

Hindi keliye theen press karo.

For mobile press 1.For broadband press 2.
For bill details press 1.For technical press 2.
For issues press 1.For clarification press 2.
If you are still on line press 1.If you fainted press 2.If you are sleeping press 3.
Happy Diwali!
Happy new year!
Congratulations, you are holding the line for an year now.If u wait for 364 more days u'll break world record.To continue press 1 else press 2.
Thanks for contacting us.Pl take our rate our speedy response.For fastest press 1, for faster press 2.
To goto main menu press 1, to goto mental hospital press 2.

Jokes and Messages - 1

A man met a boy in his neighborhood.He asked the boy for his name.The boy told " Ja Ja Ja Ja John". The man asked the boy with concern "Boy, do you have speech problem?"
The boy replied "No.The person who named me had speech problem"

"Its easy to jump to a conclusion, wait for the root cause to pop out"

A prisoner caught an ant and started training it to speak.It picked up fast.Soon he trained it on many languages, arts like gymnastics, calligraphy, origamy etc.He wanted to earn millions by showcasing the ant's talents.
He was released soon.He went to a restaurant as he was hungry.He ordered for a juice and it was delivered.He couldn't control his excitement about his 'talented' ant.He placed the ant on the brim of the glass and told it to do gymnastics. He then called the waiter who was away.The waiter came near him.He told smiling, "Waiter see this ant!". The waiter immediately pushed the ant with his finger,crushed with the menu card and cleaned the table saying "Sorry Sir!".

Message: Timing is more import'ant' than time.

Customer: "Server ! See here , there is a dead ant in the coffee"
Server looks the cup closely.
Server: " Thank god Sir. The ant is alive"

Message: Sometimes people try to correct others before trying to understand what is told to them.

English Mimicry Page

Funny Kungfu movie:

Sunday, June 9, 2013

RED Planet Versus BLUE Planet


That loud sound woke me up. I checked my clock, which read 6/6/2779, 4.00AM. My first thought was that the rumors have become true. It could have been the Martian attack. I jumped and ran to a window. The horizon was under fire. A fire so bright and flaming, we can’t create even in computer graphics, something beyond human imagination.

Next was a sound of what seemed like one hundred thousand mosquitoes in chorus. I couldn’t bear it and ran for the sonic shield to protect ears from bleeding or getting mad. Few seconds before wearing the sonic shield I screamed out of pain. “To hell with war! These Martians were peaceful with universal citizens. Heard in the grapevine that the Martians became greedy once they came to know about infighting of the Earthians. They wanted to rule Earth, which our leaders didn’t agree and capturing or destroying Earth became their goal. With their technological advancement they can make a Yoyo of Earth and make us see the center of gravity by blowing out the northern hemisphere.  

There was silence for a while. Just when I thought of updating this in my favorite social network, by sending my thoughts after thinking of my UID and DNA code, the public hologram address system of the government was activated. It surely means a panic situation. I came to the hall to see the hologram projection of a government official. “We are under attack by Martians. We need you join us to defend Earth. You will be part of the world army. Your transport code is ihdnaG$#5^@#.

I went to the transmitter of the Teleporting System, soon I was at the Indian Army Headquarters. After a series of psychological, physiological tests a final list was selected to represent India in the world army. We wore the special suits given to us and boarded the Lightning Powered Jet which carried us to the international space station in seconds. My neighbor was asking “Will they serve Dosa?” I said “Don’t get caught by a Martian,you will become Chutni!”. Jokes apart I too was concerned about fighting the mighty Martians. A planet smaller than ours, but with people few times bigger and smarter than us. It would be difficult to beat them in one to one combat.  

I couldn’t take my personal robot for the war duty. People were so reliant on them for brushing, putting on clothes, sometimes feeding. 

There were rumors about Martians letting the POWs hang in the space to dissolve in the universe.  My only hope was the years of research on Weapons of Mass Destruction which were advanced, built to fight within our nations, put to ‘good’ use now. 

In the International space station, we floated to our commando training room. Enroute I saw an empty hall, but with noise of a crowd. Suddenly a voice from the stage shouted “… and that’s how you wear the invisible cloak”.

Commando training covered everything about Mars. They showed the map, key places like Olympus Mons (Biggest mountain of all the planets),Valles Marineris (a huge canyon), Borealis basin and few more. Videos of their weapons were shown (hacked and downloaded by our Chinese experts).  We were warned to wear anti Eraser shoes. Eraser is a Martian weapon which when pointed at humans can erase the body parts exposed to its Xenon light. The next video was shocking and chilled my spinal card, in which few Martians slashed the Eraser on an Earthian in the stomach and the stomach portion was gone fully and we could see a building on the other side through him. Not even a single drop of blood. The upper half, from chest to head floated above the foot to hip bottom half for few seconds and then both halves dropped to the Martian ground like two sand bags.

During lunch, I befriended a Japanese guy named Akira something. I got a samurai with me in our attempt to save the world, not mine or his world, but our world.  The threat of world piece, brought world peace, if not the world will become a peas. I thought whether I might age slowly if I get a chance to live in Mars, having 686 days year. The thought was interrupted when I recollected that 95% composition of Mars is Carbon di oxide. No one would like to live a life with closed nose.

Akira told about how the Martians used to convert Earthians as Martians. He said it was simple, take the Earthian’s mind, subject to a safe radiation to change it to a Martian mind and inject that mind into a Martian dead body. A French beard (guy might not be French) joined us and told about how once a Martian told the answers to our world’s top most I.Q test without seeing the questions. I was sure about one thing, nobody can beat the Earthians in the art of scaring. If not for the war I would be visiting my family virtually and eating my mothers’ real food at this time.

Our hand held weapons, though advanced, depended on fire power, probably because bullets might not help kill the rocky Martians. If we could convert all the bullet points from corporate world into actual bullets. “Hmmm…!” I thought, “We could win, only by a miracle!” One need to live to love or hate.

Heard the Martians launched cyber-attack also, through email which when opened exploded Argon bomb. Few other email attacks made the receivers lunatics or injected biological virus. Have heard of somebody suggesting pesticide for computer virus in the early computer age.

An alarm sounded and we all boarded our individual space cars. I prayed that there is enough fuel in my space car as there won’t be any filling station on the way. We could see enemy space vessels approaching Earth, thanks to a powerful micro telescope, capable of showing distant objects at cellular level.  The horizon fire I saw earlier was from those vessels. Even at 56 million kilometers distance, they could fire so precisely that they might miss in one in a googol chance.

We had a big air force combining the super powers with smartest fighters of our world. Martians had air bases in Phobos and Deimos, moons of Mars. From Deimos they might try a close range shot.

They started firing again. It started as a single spark of light in the space, which split into 100s of bursts each producing another 100s of bursts like a fractal image all directed towards Earth. As they approached Earth, a blue shield started circling the Earth, which I came to know later, was a layer of hydrogen coolant, in launch ready state to defend against Martian fire attack. The blue shield was broken in few places, which were fixed by writing on the coolant. The poor Martians didn’t know that Earthians had started writing on water centuries back.

Anti-radiation liquid was distributed to Earthians to neutralize any radiation by Martians to pollute (even more?!) Earth’s water resources.

A Martian attempt to suck Oxygen from the Earth’s atmosphere was beaten by our world army engineers. Martians could suck only CO2. There was an attempt to stop the earth’s rotation by most advanced magnets which could kill Earthians and all inhabitants of Earth by affecting the biological clock. An ‘alarming’ situation was averted.

We spoiled their attempt to enter Earth, through Genetically Modified seeds which when sown, produced Martians, not tomatoes. UNO alerted the world to stop buying cheap but great yield seeds which were penetrated by Martians through few Earthian spies who, for money, were ready to kill mother Earth to live like royal slave in Mars. The value of freedom will be known for such guys, only when it is not there.

Couple of IIT grads invented a mechanism to redirect sun’s light using powerful but small space lens, resembling what grandpas were wearing in 20th century. As the rays started beaming towards Mars what could possibly make the red planet redder, we got a message of peace from the king of Mars.

When everything was settled and the world came to normalcy (read infighting started), I resumed my duty as a school teacher. My colleague had a different story to tell that he befriended the king of Mars in inter(planet)net in the most popular site called Phasebook, with the user name of Marlyn Manroe, sending the 4D(4th Dimension a secret) holographic colorful model in  highest definition, asking him to come alone to a park in Jupiter, … blah blah … and the world army had him as hostage. He said the Mars king was so bulky that he could actually make only one step in any direction like a chess king. 

So that’s the story of the attack on Earth and the surrender of Mars. The world folklore had the story of how enmity with Mars started when Curiosity killed the cat, a real Martian cat centuries back.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

தமிழ் - பலகுரல் - பக்கம் 1

நடிகர் அசோகன் ABCD சொல்கிறார்:
நடிகர் சிவகுமார் முதல் குறள் சொல்கிறார்:
கிருபானந்த வாரியார் ஜண்டு பாம் விளம்பரம்:
நடிகர் வினுச்சக்ரவர்த்தி ஓட்டலில்:
நடிகர் சத்யராஜ் ஜோக் சொல்கிறார்:

நடிகர் சத்யராஜ்:
விக்ரம்,24 மணி நேரம்,முதல் மரியாதை வசனங்கள்:

நடிகர் ரகுவரன்:
ஒரு கேன்டீன் உரிமையாளரிடம், அங்கு தயிர் சாதம் சாப்பிட்டபின்.

A to Z of Ambipur Indiblogger Chennai meet on 26/5/13

Ambipur : The product of the sponsor of the bloggers meet. 

Birthday: It was Indibloggers Renie's birthday on that day.

Cool couples:  
Met Priya Iyer ( and Nishok. Meeting them added more fun to the meet.

Day: 26th May 2013.

Entertaining: The way the event was conducted. The anchor was just a jolly good guy.

Food: Excellent buffet for lunch. Evening snacks too.
Games: It was all right from the start.

Happy: to know that Indibloggers are growing. Their recent US meet is an example for that.

Indiblogger: Organizer of the event. 

Just missed: the blind fold,smell n Tweet contest since they closed it when it was my turn to get blind folded.

Kick start: The event was started a little late but ended gr8.

Large audience: I didn't expect this much turnout. Seems every one who registered brought themselves in. :)

Missed: I gave my complimentary Ambipur car freshner for our skit and it never returned. How can it come unless somebody helps it to come. 

Names:We were asked to gather in the many round tables as groups and if someone says the names of all the persons in their table within couple of minutes, everybody in that table gets couples movie pass.

Online: They gave a free wi-fi connection for the participants.

Presentation: The Ambipur products were presented in a 10 minutes which covered how Ambipur does what its good at.

Queue: That's what we formed to get the Indiblogger T-shirt.

Road trip:A tweet contest about your fav road trip with the #AmbipurFreshNHappy. The winner got a Galaxy S4. 

Skit: Everyone given an Ambipur Car freshner and the Ambipurs of same flavor formed a team. The 4 teams played a skit. The best team won a prize.

Twitter: They blind folded and put bloggers one by one in a car,(they didn't ask to drive) and were asked to feel how good the smell of Ambipur was then tweet about that. The best tweet got a Galaxy S4.

Umbrella: There was a blogger who blogs in this name.

Venue: Hyatt,Anna salai,Chennai. Was thinking of going there for a photo shoot, that wish got fulfilled by this meet.

White: The color of the big car that was in the hall with a head light inside it(if you don't believe see the last pic)

X-tra: If they had few more Ambipur car freshners I would have got one. Feeling guilty to write about Ambipur without actually using one.

Youth: Majority of them were youth along with few grey hairs (youth forgotten to dye?).

Zing thing: The event was full of energy.

Indibloggers gave time for people who for social causes to present their service.It surely means Indibloggers not only love fun at the same time serious about the society.